I'll take lithium for 100 please Alex.

Previously I said Id blog about my eHarmony experience, and I have been rather lax on the blogging front.

A few years ago I joined eHarmony for one of those 3 mos for the price of one gimmicks. Yeah. Great Idea. I was initially attracted to eHarmony because of the detailed personality profile you have to complete to sign up.

I was matched with some people, and corresponded with a few. This one gentleman from Michigan wrote me and he seemed funny and easy going. We began chatting back and forth and this progressed to phone calls. My first sign something was slightly off was when he sent me a picture of himself holding an ax. Now, he was in the woods, in flannel.

Mind you, I wouldn't have sent a picture to someone I didn't know, which showed me alone in the woods holding a weapon. But ..hey...thats just me. My mom said I should send back a picture of myself, holding a gun. Gotta love Mom--she's sick and twisted.

One day I was on the phone with him and there was a Sci-Fi trilogy on TV, and he mentioned to me how he believed Jesus was an alien and spiders were his disciple robots.

I thought perhaps he was kidding. He wasn't.

He said spiders and other arachnids were advanced lifeforms with robotic intelligence sent to spy on us from other planets and report back to the "alien king" Jesus. I assumed he must have dropped some acid or something before the call. I'm open minded, and don't usually care what people believe, so I decided to move on.

Two days later he called me as he was on his way to play paint ball. He was really excited about playing paint ball, and I commented on his enthusiasm, and he responded "Paintball is unlike anything in the world. I love looking down the barrel of a sniper rifle and killing people without getting in trouble for it. Its such a rush!"

Ummm. Errr. Ok. That's a whole lot of crazy that I'm not interested in at all. Because I didn't want to become a headline in the newspaper, I opted to not talk to him anymore. I also opted to report him to eHarmony as someone potentially unsafe.

I then had to reflect back to the eHarmony philosophy. and how they match you based on a 29 dimension personality profile. WTF does that say about me, that this guy was my perfect match? Yeah...I decided not to renew.

My eHarmony experience was rather off putting regarding the online dating scene, hence my recent trepidation around venturing back in. I think they should add some categorization for the crazies so we know what we are getting into.

Level of psychiatric instability:

1. Mild neurosis

2. Moderate psychosis

3. Severe psychosis

4. Charles Manson

Level of medication:

1. None

2. 1 a day

3. 2 a day.

4. 3 a day or 1 for each personality, whichever is greater.