Its a dark and scary place in my mind sometimes

Every now and again I am reminded of stories from my past. These stories are locked safely in my vault. I am now going to access the vault and share with you one of these stories. Be afraid. I also want to preface this as one of the many reasons I need therapy.

Several years back you may remember the Scary Movies that were released as a spoof of several of the most well known slasher flicks. These movies were mildly entertaining, and only lowered ones IQ by 1-2 points.

A group of about 8 of us decided we were going to go see Scary Movie. The theater was sold out. In the movie, there is a character called Ms Man, who is the high school gym teacher. During one of the scenes, Ms Mans' testicles fall out beneath her tennis skirt. My friend A sees this, screams and points "OMG! Those look just like Daddies nuts!!!"

You know how sometimes in movies, there is a lull in activity and conversation and the most embarrassing thing ever was said. This was one of those times.

I don’t feel I can adequately describe the next few seconds of immediate panic and mortification, but let me tell you...it was pretty awkward. I dont embarrass easily, but this time... mission accomplished. The entire row of patrons ahead of us turned around in disgust, while everyone in our row slunk in our seats.

I leaned over to A and said ..."WTF? Are you fevered? Have you been drinking? Why would you say something like that? Why do you know what your Dads nuts look like anyhow? Never mind, I don’t want to know. "

Brad, who found this whole exchange absolutely hilarious, had to leave the theater for laughing so hard. After the movie, as we were leaving the theater, I told A Id need a full story or she'd need to be medicated. Here, for your viewing pleasure is the back story.

Several days prior to going to see Scary Movie, A was visiting her Mom and Dad. A's father Tom, works nightshift and will often get up in the morning and sit on the couch in his boxers.

Well one day while Tom was playing Playstation in his boxers in the living room, A and her then boyfriend were over and were sitting on the loveseat talking to him. It seems Tom crossed and uncrossed his legs and the "boys" became free and slipped out of the leg of his shorts. This was immediately noticed by A's boyfriend, who told A to tell her dad he was freeballin'. She declined and then went for reinforcements- her mother.

A tells her mother who promptly put the kibosh on the cash and prizes display. She marched right into the living room and said "TOM, FOR GODSAKE, PUT YOUR NUTS AWAY, THEY ARE SCARING THE KIDS!!"

So if you are ever curious what my friend A’s fathers nuts look like, pop in Scary Movie.

You're welcome.