Tickets and surprise searches

Some of you may know that lately I have received more than my fair share of speeding tickets. My work husband J always receives a lecture. In talking to my friend Marcus, there may be a new way to get out of a ticket.

Marcus was headed here to see his girlfriend for a special weekend. They have been having problems and he thought it would be good to spend time together. He was running late and asked his roommate to put his bags in the car while he called a client back. Unbeknownst to Marcus, his roomie placed some special gifts in his bag.

Marcus heads out. He drives like I used to; Fast. He is pulled over north of Orlando.

When the cop pulled him over, he was clocked at 95 in a 70. Apparently, 25 miles over gives the cop the right to take you to jail for reckless driving. It seems this was going to be the case.

The cop came to Marcus's driver's side window and issued the standard, "Do you realize how fast you were going" speech, while Marcus acted remorseful, hoping he could somehow get out of this ticket.

Because of the excessive speed, the cop said he'd have to arrest him. Arrangements were quickly made for a tow truck to come fetch Marcus's jeep, and the cop continued to lecture him. He handcuffed him and made him stand aside as he proceeded to inspect the car for the possibility of adding other charges. He began rifling through the overnight bag in the back seat, pulling out clothes, shaving kit, shoes...and a very, very large, black, rubber dildo.

The cop froze in place, uncomprehending at first, holding it by the base as the upper 10 inches of the phallic beast lazily swayed back and forth. Marcus, handcuffed, stood there horrified and embarrassed, mouth agape, staring at the motionless police officer and "the beast", still swaying in the wind.

I picture this moment happening in slow-motion, with the cop's first thought, "What is this? What IS this? What the...no. No. NO!" And his second thought, "God knows where this thing has been! Gross! I've got to wash my hands right now." The cop dropped the beast, clearly disgusted, and continued to sift through the bag, while Marcus thought to himself, "Well, the worst has happened, there can't be anything more in there for him to find." Then the cop pulled out two gay porn tapes.

Marcus isn't gay, nor does he like to partake in the viewing pleasure of gay porn. However, his roomie thought it would be funny to place those items in Marcus's bag.

By now the cop must have thought Marcus was some kind of twisted pervert on his way to a big gay orgy of some kind.

The delay of the officer searching Marcus's belongings allowed for enough time for an accident to occur on I-4 which required police backup to route traffic. Because of the accident, Marcus was released and given a stern warning. The cop tossed Marcus's filthy bag of gay orgy paraphernalia onto the roadside and sped away.

Marcus then called me and we plotted revenge against his roommate. I finally lamented that really his roommate did him a favor, and we shouldnt get him back at this time. Marcus and I still wonder why his roommate had gay porn and the "beast", but we will save those thoughts for another time.