The Gingerbread Projects

Leave it to me to be all holly jolly and crap and try to do something festive. I go to the store and buy one of those Gingerbread House kits. I thought, how cute. Ill make a house to take in to work.

Knowing how often I bake and cook ( almost never) you should already be able to anticipate how this will turn out. My strategy so far has been to take the time and effort that I know is required to learn how to cook, and instead devote that time and effort to perfecting my drinking skills, which I have to say, has paid off. I'm quite good at that.

Well as I begin to assemble my gingerbread house, I realize something has went awry. The icing isnt setting well and the walls of the house resemble something post Hurricane Katrina. The slanting of the walls causes the roof to sit crooked and the whole "house" has more of a ghetto shack feel to it.

My goal at this time was not to make it pretty (as its too late for that) but to try to stabilize it.

As I struggle to keep the walls on, part of my roof collapses. Once that is resolved , I move on and realize I have extra ginger bread. I attempt to make a smaller house. Yeah. GREAT idea. I'm using candy canes to prop the walls up and realize this has now turned into the Gingerbread Projects instead.

OSHA would not be pleased.

The longer I wrestle with it, the worse it gets. It actually looks as if I put it together one handed and blind folded. I wish I could say I had been drinking, but I wasn't. The icing appears as if I shot it from across the room in some brazen attempt at Xtreme Ginga Bread building. The gum drops and the M & M's dress it up a little, but that's like putting a bow on a pile of shit--- It just doesn't help.

The cats sit in the floor curiously trying to determine why I seem so pissed off. Actually the fact that I am home, making a gingerbread house alone, while two cats watch me is sad enough all by itself.

As I look at the shack on the counter I resigned to the fact that my career fall back in building construction is not going to work. I may need to consider other opportunities such as wine sommelier or professional rodeo clown.

I would take pictures of the monstrosity, but I cant find my camera, which is for the best.

All this construction is making me tired.Nighty night.