What the hell is "girl gas?"

OK, Ill admit, I'm loud. I can be giggly and goofy and rowdy. I can be all those things early in the morning while out. However, I am not those things at 230 am outside my apartment, while people are trying to sleep. I'm not one of those people. However, my neighbors are.

Picture it. I'm trying to sleep. Which if you know me at all, you know I rarely sleep to begin with, so if I'm trying to sleep - please for the love of God, don't disturb me-- for your own safety.

I had just dozed off when I hear yelling and laughing. The laughing soon turned to shouting, and arguing. Apparently some guy named Matt and his girl friend/bed buddy/friend/sister/whatever were fighting.

I presume her name was 'Bitch" as that's all I heard him call her.

So I hear 'Bitch' say: Matt, lets go to bed. Im tired. Its late and we drank tooooo much. ( slurred)

Matt: Ill be up in a few. Im going to smoke.
Bitch: No, Matt, Come on Now. Thats nasty and bad for you.
Matt: Bitch, stop being so controlling . I'll be there in a few.
Bitch: Why do you always do this to me?
Matt: Shut it. I'll be up in a few. Im sick of your whining.
Bitch: Fine. You be that way and stay down here and smoke with your friends. We're not having sex.
Matt: Who said I wanted to. Carry your nasty ass to bed.
Bitch: F You.
Matt: F You bitch.

I was hoping they would actually both STFU. Then I had to hear his buddies dissertation over the fight.

Matt: Damnit man.,
Buddy1: Why is she busting on you, yo? Thats whack.
Buddy2; She was being a bitch. Maybe shes ragging it. I think its her time now, right?
Buddy1: No, they were going to have sex. You dont ride the red wave do you Matt?
Buddy2: Thats gross. Maybe shes just tired.
Buddy1: Or horny. You could be missing action man.
Buddy2: Makeup sex rocks. You should hit that. Go make up with her.
Matt: F it. I dont need it. I rocked my own world earlier that will last me. Wait, why do you know my girls cycle?
Buddy2: I heard her on the phone. I dont mark it down or anything. She was talking about cramps and stuff man. If you dont make up with her, you may be rocking your own world for a while.
Buddy1: Matt you can be a cuddle bunny.
Matt: Yah. I know. Cuddle bunny? What the...? Never mind.
Matt: Im bummed. Im going to bed.
Buddy1: Ok man, we will be around if you need us.
Buddy2: Later yo.
Buddy1: Hes going to go grovel.
Buddy2: You think?
Buddy1: Hell yeah. He just acts tough. He lets her call him Poochy. Hey man, why DO you know her cycle?
Buddy2: She talks about it around me. I dont know. I just heard her say she was cramping. Maybe it was girl gas or something.
Buddy1: Weird. Im hungry. Speaking of cramps lets not eat at Steak and Shake again though. That jalapeno burger gave me the shits last time.
Buddy2: It was all the bad beer. Not the burger.
Buddy1: No, it was the burger.
Buddy2: You need more fiber. You have a poor diet. Stop blaming steak and shake goodness.
Buddy1: Spicy food bothers me.
Buddy2: Ok, we will go to Taco Bell then.
Buddy1: Good idea. Lets go.

**They FINALLY left at 2:54 AM**

OH. MY.GOD. Are you serious? I had to wake up for that? I hope Taco Bell DOES give them the shits. (As if there was another option.

Now I know more about any of those people than I ever cared to. I felt like I was in a confessional or something. Be glad I dont know what apartment you all live in, because payback is a mofo.

And what the hell is "girl gas?" I can straight up tell you, gas is gas. I dont care who says different.

Now, all I want to do is go to sleep. Sleep. Peaceful sleep. Mmmm sleep.