Poopin is cool!

My friend Angelia told me my protein shakes looked like Colonblow. Curiosity got the best of me, so I looked it up.

Their marketing campaign says it all. "We will clean your butt in a day!" and "Poopin is cool!" At this point, I think I can safely say, my Christmas Shopping list is taken care of. If you buy 2 three packs you receive a free t-shirt! HELLS YEAH!

They also reassure the consumer that a radio Flyer with a port-o-potty will not be necessary. I feel better already!

From their FAQ it seems that they differ from other colon cleansing products by this simple statement (Colonblow provides ) "Not simply QUANTITY releases, but QUALITY releases. Not simply waste, but perhaps very long term waste." And who can say no to a QUALITY release?!

Colonblow

Bow chica bow wow

On a recent business trip, I was downtown for dinner. We were close to the Civic Center in Charlotte NC. As the marquee displayed what was currently showing, I was taken aback, and slightly curious.

Debbie Does Dallas The Musical was currently showing at the Civic Center. Now a few random thoughts went through my mind.

Debbie Does Dallas the Musical. Wow. It could only be better if it were Debbie Does Dallas on Ice.

I immediately call and tell Angelia, and her first question was "How the hell do you sing with a wiener in your mouth? It would be kind of muffled wouldn't it? I guess you'd only have to worry about the choreography."


All very legitimate questions. All which piqued my curiosity. Out of all the times Ive traveled, I can honestly say I feel as if I may have missed out on seeing a true theatrical masterpiece. I mean, I'm sure its just as lovely and award winning as CATS, or Hair. How could it not be? A musical, based on a porno? I'm sure once the Tonys come back around DDD the Musical will be nominee! According to reviews, the musical has been around since 2002, and is doing well. Often ( depending on the venue) the racier choreography is brought out.

Tell all your friends. It would be great to take a new date to see. Picture it:

Woman: Sure , Id love to go out with you on Friday.
Man: Excellent.
Woman: What will we be doing? Should I dress casual or more formally?
Man: More formal, as I'm taking you to see a musical.
Woman: I love musicals. I cant wait! See you then.

Surprise..surprise.....hope the new date has a sense of humor.

Say what?

So some of you may know I recently relocated to the lovely city of Tampa. Sometimes when you move, you may have to wait for services to be turned on or installed(i.e. phone, cable, Internet) In my case I do not have cable or Internet access (of my own) yet.

Because I had to drop off my rent check, I stopped by my leasing office. Usually leasing offices have some sort of business center where residents can access the internet. I inquire to whether the office has a business center and the following conversation takes place:

Me: Excuse me. I'm needing to access the internet , do you happen to have a business center here that I could use?

Girl at leasing office(GALO): What?

Me: I'm looking for somewhere to access the internet, do you know of someplace the provides internet connection? Perhaps a internet cafe or something?


GALO: I dont understand. We are not a internet company.


Me: No, no. I realize you are not a internet company. I'm looking for someplace to access the internet. Do you all have a place where your residents can print or check their email, such as a business center?

GALO: This is a business. This is a leasing office. Maybe you should try a internet cafe or something.

** Me thinking** OMG? Is this chick serious? Am I not being clear enough?

ME: Thats what I was asking. Do you know where I can find a internet cafe?

GALO: You can find the addresses and directions online.

ME: Wait...what?

GALO: You can find the addresses to the internet cafe online.

ME: So let me repeat this back to you, just so I understand. I'm looking for a place that has an internet connection that I can connect to, and you are suggesting I connect to the internet to find a location I can get on the internet at?

GALO: I don't know how to help you.

Me: You are correct.

Meanwhile a gentleman was standing to the side, listening to this entire conversation. He just laughed. I thought he'd try to help me explain to this girl what I was looking for, but maybe he didn't speak her level of stupid either. I'm all for hiring Americans with Disabilities, but holy cow!

Perhaps I wasn't explaining it well enough. I didn't know how to dumb it down more for her. So I gave up. I ended up coming back to my house and was able to access someone elses wireless. Hey, whatever works right?

Happy Easter!

This cracks me up. Possibly because Im sick and twisted. Meh. Whatever. Enjoy.

Lets do the fork in the garbage disposal

Im officially soapscum free!

When taking showers at other people houses ( i.e. Nans) it is important to note whether they have one of those fabulous Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaners.

Yeah. You know what those devices are? A straight ticket to going blind.

Picture it:

Im in the shower, washing my hair. I reach to adjust the shower for better aim, as it was tilted towards the wall. Sometime during the transaction, I must have accidentally hit the blue button to activate this devil device. I hear this beeping and a slow whrrr whrrr, then all of a sudden receive a shocking surprise ----a face full of Scrubbing Bubbles goodness.

Thank the Lord my eyes were closed already. My mouth wasn't though.It didn't taste too terribly bad. Nothing a little vodka couldn't cure. They could at least add a little mint flavor to it to dress it up.

Here is a even better idea. Disable that device for morons like me that like to..umm bathe. Or put the activation switch in a less obvious place, like the bottom of the damn thing.

On the upside, all my soap scum is removed, along with part of my skin.


From the Scrubbing Bubbles Website, Ive decided to look for inaccuracies in some of their FAQ for you, the consumer and fellow bather.

Q. How do I use SBASC?
A. Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner works best on surfaces that are already wet from showering. I had been in the shower for several minutes, so I can attest that this this is good advice.

Just press the button to activate, and close the shower curtain/door. Or you can accidentally press the button and not know what the hell is going on.
The power sprayer will beep for 15 seconds. Seemed more like 5, but whatever, I am bad at math.

Then the SBASC system will spin 360º for 12 seconds and automatically release a pre-measured amount of cleaning formula. Much like the 15 seconds seemed more like 5, the 12 seemed more like 30. Maybe Im not the one bad at math. The pre-measured value is quite a lot when you are wearing most of it.
Q. What does the cleaner smell like?
A.The liquid cleaner has a clean, fresh scent, ...reminiscent of a toilet deodorizer. The flavor is more of a dirty dishwater and toilet deodorizer mixed. Not that I know what that tastes like--just a theory.

Q. Can you stop the automatic Cycle if it has started?
A. Yes, just press the blue button again. Really? Wow, in those "12" seconds I was trying to save my eyesight and avoid the Poison Control Center, I honestly didn't think of pressing the blue button again, as that's what got me into the mess in the first place. I did want to get out of the shower though, if only I could have made my way to the sliding shower door without breaking a limb.

So beware my fellow shower enthusiast. If you come across one of these devices, shower with caution and perhaps some goggles.

Horse Semen, Rodents and Cigarettes

Apparently, a diet of horse semen, rodents and cigarettes keeps one very thin and gaunt. No, morons-- that isnt my diet, which should be obvious if you look at my physique.

Steve-o from Jackass was on my flight today from Charlotte to Atlanta.

I recognized the voice before I saw Steve-o himself. The raspy-Ive just-smoked-4-packs-of-cigarettes-voice, made me stop and think..'Who is that? Sounds so familiar...Nana is that you?"

Low and behold, it was Steve-o. One thing I can tell you is Steve-o is LITTLE. Not leprechaun like per se, but Im betting hes only about 5'7, but he seemed a lot smaller. Maybe he seems little to me because Im 5'5 and I was wearing heels. In any event, his height isnt an issue. Hes a teeny thing, and for some reason I just thought he'd be taller and have a larger frame, thats all. I bet he weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet.

Whenever I saw Steve-o I sent a text message to about 6 people. Only 1/3 of the people knew who I was referring to. Kelli and HIM. I knew Kelli would know, but Im surprised that HE knew. Considering the content of the show, and HE probably has the DVD's, then I suppose it isnt so surprising after all.

If you have never seen or heard of Jackass, click the links below. Be warned, most of it is absolutely foul, so if you are sick and twisted, its right up your alley.

That being said, I used to watch Jackass all the time. Primarily because I thought Johnny Knoxville, Chris Pontius and Bam Margera were hot. I'll sit through a little disgusting to see some hotness.

Hmm. What does that say for the health of my psyche? Meh. Whatever. This post isnt about me, its about Steve-o. Focus people!

The amount of times Steve-o throws up in any given episode is almost epic. In college we used to have a drinking game that we would play in which we had to take a shot everytime Steve-o threw up, or someone was hit in the nuts. If you've seen the show, you know that we were drunk fairly quickly from that game.

To see what Im talking about, please go here and enjoy:


**Disclaimer: These videos are disgusting. The content is foul and inappropriate and will probably make you gag. If it doesnt make you gag, you're sicker than what Im used to and Id appreciate it if you'd not read my blog anymore.
Freak. **

HorseSemen

Rodents