Vaaaaayyy---caaayy--shhuuuun

I have some good news! Soon Ill be going on vacay. A real vaycay. Not that crap I pretended to do a few weeks ago. A vacation in which I will be inaccessible to email, and cell phone. I'll be frolicking on the beach in Punta Cana with my "work husband" and partner in crime, J.

J is a good egg, but he has no idea what he is getting into. D, a former victim, I mean, former co-vacationer with me, said I should make people sign a release before they go on vacation with me, especially out of the country. Pff. Whatever. Pussy.

***Thinks back, to try to determine if D has any good points......

Ok, so we could have got in a little trouble in Mexico. Just because the people we were with were buying medicine. Big deal. They had a script. I think. I knew it, D didn't, so I figured Id not tell him, to protect the innocent. Im not sure why M & E felt the need to tell me, but confide in me if you will, but it hurts your chances for an alibi.

Ok, so this adorable little boy who was sitting with me at the bar. (No, he wasn't drinking.) took a liking to me, and felt compassion for me losing at checkers, so he helped me cheat. I know. Its sad, that I had to have a 10 year old boy help me cheat at checkers. Whatever. That kid was slick. He wanted to play again, only for money. Now, who do you feel bad for? Yeah, I thought so. That kid was a heister. It was awesome. He affectionately referred to D as "Numbnuts". I figured they must have met before or something. HA!

OK, so I got a little inebriated, and spewed wine all over the wheelchair I was sporting, because, as the diva I am, I couldn't be bothered to walk to my room. (read: bothered =unable to do so) And OK, so I also spewed wine all over the elevator, the cabin steward, two other passengers in the elevator, and D. With all the liquid in the elevator, I'm surprised alarms didn't go off and they force people to man the life boats. D said J should bring a Poncho.

Hmm. So maybe D has a few good points.

Well this time around, we are not going on a boat. We are going to an all-inclusive resort. I know you're thinking that I'm going to waste away this precious vacation time by getting snookered and passing out face-down in the sand. Not so. I have big plans for this vacation. Here are just a few of the things I intend to accomplish while on this tranquil, much needed getaway:

~Drink 10 shots of the Dominican Republics cheapest Rum and throw up in the sand. (That's not the same as merely passing out in the sand, see. I'll actually be accomplishing something before I pass out.) I think I've pretty much done all I can do with the concept of puking on carpet, hardwood, tile, car upholstery, elevators and the laps of strangers and loved ones. It's time to conquer the sand.

However I do want to give a shout out to E, who after approximately 9 hours of drinking, threw up directly in his cup, and didnt spill a drop on him ( or anyone else) He then threw his cup away, and continued drinking. If drinking were an Olympic sport, E would win a gold medal.

~Hit on no fewer than 2 bellboys and 6 non-English-speaking taxi drivers.

~Take a really interesting towel animal building class. Make J attend this with me, just to hear him whine. I hope I get some sort of Towel Animal Master Certificate, because I think its safe to say once the class is over, my Christmas List will have been taken care of.

~Throw a tantrum in a restaurant and shout "J! How can you say such atrocious things? You could not buy and sell them with what you pay for a bottle of NyQuil!"

~Sun myself into a golden goddess, and avoid getting sun poisoning.

~Get in some snorkeling and sight seeing.

But vacationing in foreign countries isn't all about fun and games and abusing the locals. There are potential dangers. For instance, a friend once told me a story about two college girls who gave themselves a graduation present of a vacation in Mexico. There, they were unfortunately arrested as they sunbathed on the beach---while smoking pot. They were dumped into a Mexican jail cell for several days with no phone privileges, where it was eventually explained to them that they could either continue to rot in jail for years to come, or have sex with the jailers and go free. Seeing no alternative, the girls agreed. The jailers were men of their word, at least, because the girls were released afterward. I wasn't sure if that story was true, or if it was the plot line to the movie Traffic.

But don't worry, a scenario like that could never happen to me. For one thing, I don't smoke pot. And secondly, I'll be dressed as a dude the entire time I'm there, just to make sure I don't find myself in that horrifying situation.

I was told it isn't safe outside the resort. I was told there is a lot of poverty, but crime is usually theft. I wasn't planning on tooling around much outside the resort as the Dominican Republic seems a little scary, andPunta Cana is close to Haiti. I'll take "Ill keep my ass at the resort for 100 please Alex."

Aside from the fear of prison rape, I guess I should also worry about hurricanes.
According to weather reports, there are two disturbances currently heading for the exact spot where I had intended sleep in the sand. Now, living in Florida, we scoff at tropical Storms. "35 MPH Winds? That's a light breeze."

A hurricane could potentially ruin my hairdo or blow the umbrella out of my drink--two disasters I don't even want to think about. So, Mother Nature, if you are reading this, please steer the storms elsewhere. No one should have to suffer at seeing my hair that fluffy.

I'm sure I will have lots of stories to tell about my fabulous trip, so I will keep you posted.

Lessons learned

Isn't one of the defining points of insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?

The repetitive nature of my actions, are disproportionate to the response received. Why is it that someone will seek you out, profess how much they want to see you, spend time with you, etc, and then basically ignore you when you go there?

I should have expected it, in all reality, as that is how it has always been with this individual. However, I believe(d) that if someone sought you out, and claimed to want spend time with you, that they meant it.

Lesson learned.. and filed under "Things to remember"

Marathon of Travel

I'm gearing up for a marathon of travel for work. I approach this journey with both excitement and trepidation. I have never been gone for this long of a stretch before. Right now I am anticipating being gone 7 +/- weeks straight. I sit and think of my small apartment , my two crazy kitties and my friends and family, I realize Im going to miss all of it.

It is funny how easily you can take something for granted. Sometimes, in the evenings I would find myself feeling guilty for being too tired to go by and visit Nana, or for not being in a talking mood and not want to talk on the phone to my Mom. Now here it is, I will be gone and the phone will be the life line and I realize now how fortunate I am to be able to go visit when I want to.

Please dont think I am not appreciative. I enjoy my job and welcome the travel. This job has provided me the opportunity to see places I never thought Id get to see. Ive made friends from all over the country and I truly feel blessed.

The travel kicks off next week, but it is only in Tampa, Florida. From Florida I will be going to Seattle, Washington for a week, then to Salem, Oregon for another week. From Oregon, it is looking like it may be Tucson, Arizona. From Arizona I will go back to Tampa, Florida and from Florida I will travel to Puerto Rico, finishing up in Tampa, Florida. Oy vey.

My summer will be cholk full of fun. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to travel with. The major travel events begin with Seattle, and Im very glad of that. The client Im going to visit in Seattle is one of our premier accounts. On both a personal and professional level they are very important to me. We have been through a lot over the past several years. They are one of the most dedicated clients I have ever had the priviledge of working with. Over time Ive grown to consider them not just clients, but friends.

Some people may find that having a personal friendship with a client is not advantageous. I beg to differ. I find it to be very rewarding. We work exceedingly hard for them, as they do for us.

Id be so lucky to have all clients be like Seattle.

V8 vs Kitty

So I'm working from home the other day. I pour myself v8 juice into a large coffee cup. I place the cup on the floor by the couch.

I have two cats. One good one. One bad one. One is black. One is white. Much like the wild, wild west, black hats told of bad guys...apparently the same is true in felines. --At least mine.

So the juice is sitting there. The black cat comes up. Attempts to stick his head into the cup. Doesn't fit. So the cat sits up on his hind legs, and curiously sized the situation. He then proceeds to take his paw and dip it in the juice and lick the juice off his paw. He then continued to double dip and go for more. I felt obligated to either make him a drink, or get him a straw.

I was pretty impressed. Then again I'm easily amused.

Tagged

A - Available or Single? Available
B - Best Friend. Kelli
C - Cake or Pie. How about Cobbler.
D - Drink of Choice. Sprite or green tea
E - Essential Item. The internet.
F - Favorite Color. Black or Plum
G - Gummi Bears or Worms. Worms.
H - Hometown. Gainesville
I - Indulgence. Sleep! and pedicures!
J - January or February. July. I vote for July.
K - Kids. I have none, but I live vicariously through others.
L - Life is incomplete without… adventure.
M - Marriage Date. TBD
N - Number of Siblings? step bro in Florida
O - Oranges or Apples? Oranges.
P - Phobias/Fears. Spiders, Monkeys and Clowns
Q - Favorite Quote: TS Eliot Burnt Norton:
Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden.
My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
R - Reasons to smile. Because Im alive
S - Season. Fall
T - Tag Three. Ill pass. Too new at this.
U - Unknown Fact About Me. Im left handed ?
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals. Mmm animals.
W - Worst Habit. Being overly analytical
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds. Ultrsounds
Y- Your Favorite Foods. Grilled chicken or lomein
Z - Zodiac. Cancer / Gemini ( Im on the cusp)

Savior of spilled purses

The past few weeks have been busy and there have been a lot of dinner parties and evening events to keep me on the go. One evening event left me with an embarrassing story, which I may be blowing out of proportion, but I still cringe when I think about it.

A client dropped her purse under a table, and could not reach all the contents of it. For some unknown reason --- ( idiocracy, I presume) I was overtaken by this urge to help -- to save the lip gloss and other random objects from their dark dungeon on the restaurant floor. So as I crawled ever so delicately under the table ( in a skirt-- hence the embarrassment ) to retrieve the said items, it was discovered those were not her items , but those of some other poor victim of the purse drop phenomenon.

Mind you, my "cash and prizes" were fully covered, but I did look like an idiot under the table trying to retrieve some long lost item. To make a bad situation even worse, coworkers viewed it as a photo opportunity. Great. Grats all.

I heard comments such as "She does this at all the parties" and " She goes the extra mile for her clients" -- Funny, but embarrassing.

On the upside, the floor was surprisingly clean. Except for a random crouton and some one else's lip gloss, all was good.

Although, my incident was not as embarrassing as my friend Marcus'. Marcus had just picked up lunch for himself and his girlfriend, and was walking out of the restaurant when a homeless man inquired whether he could spare some change. Marcus reached into his pocket and gave him a few dollars, then turned around to leave. During this time Marcus did not notice the homeless man had a dog. Marcus ends up tripping over the leash and falling spilling the food all over himself and some unknown woman who was sitting outside enjoying her lunch.

Marcus described the scene as "violent food carnage" that could only be made worse by the fact that both her sandals and jeans were beaded, and the broccoli and cheese soup clung to the bead work as if they were long lost lovers.

Marcus further described his attempt to clean the woman's jeans and shoes as "pathetic" and "futile" He even went so far as to ask the restaurant for a water hose. The homeless man even laughed and chimed in "how embarrassing for you".

So here you have a tale of two idiots. Watch for us in a town near you.

Beginnings

So I have a dear friend that wanted me to start a blog. I'm not quite sure why, but I have agreed. Perhaps it is because she feels others should suffer with my incessant ramblings and neurosis. Here goes....


The past few weeks have been quite busy. There have been a lot of late nights and weekends to keep us all busy. All of this work was primarily for the impending release of a new version of our flagship product. ( which will not be named) We hosted a group of clients at our facility to preview this new product. Overall, I think it went very well.

It was very good to get the clients together to brainstorm and work together. Business relationships were created and new friendships formed.