Savior of spilled purses

The past few weeks have been busy and there have been a lot of dinner parties and evening events to keep me on the go. One evening event left me with an embarrassing story, which I may be blowing out of proportion, but I still cringe when I think about it.

A client dropped her purse under a table, and could not reach all the contents of it. For some unknown reason --- ( idiocracy, I presume) I was overtaken by this urge to help -- to save the lip gloss and other random objects from their dark dungeon on the restaurant floor. So as I crawled ever so delicately under the table ( in a skirt-- hence the embarrassment ) to retrieve the said items, it was discovered those were not her items , but those of some other poor victim of the purse drop phenomenon.

Mind you, my "cash and prizes" were fully covered, but I did look like an idiot under the table trying to retrieve some long lost item. To make a bad situation even worse, coworkers viewed it as a photo opportunity. Great. Grats all.

I heard comments such as "She does this at all the parties" and " She goes the extra mile for her clients" -- Funny, but embarrassing.

On the upside, the floor was surprisingly clean. Except for a random crouton and some one else's lip gloss, all was good.

Although, my incident was not as embarrassing as my friend Marcus'. Marcus had just picked up lunch for himself and his girlfriend, and was walking out of the restaurant when a homeless man inquired whether he could spare some change. Marcus reached into his pocket and gave him a few dollars, then turned around to leave. During this time Marcus did not notice the homeless man had a dog. Marcus ends up tripping over the leash and falling spilling the food all over himself and some unknown woman who was sitting outside enjoying her lunch.

Marcus described the scene as "violent food carnage" that could only be made worse by the fact that both her sandals and jeans were beaded, and the broccoli and cheese soup clung to the bead work as if they were long lost lovers.

Marcus further described his attempt to clean the woman's jeans and shoes as "pathetic" and "futile" He even went so far as to ask the restaurant for a water hose. The homeless man even laughed and chimed in "how embarrassing for you".

So here you have a tale of two idiots. Watch for us in a town near you.