Alli - cleansing colons across america

Alli is the first FDA approved OTC diet pill. Despite its price tag, this shit is selling like hotcakes. In fact, I'm pretty sure most stores are displaying it right by the hotcakes, because anybody who eats hotcakes will most likely need Alli.

How the holy hell this got approved I don't know, but F it. I'm going to try it. I'm guessing the drug co's were able to slip it through because they include a booklet that promotes a healthy diet. This is promotion through FEAR.

Alli works by FEAR. You are afraid to eat unhealthy for fear of being alone as a shut-in that has no pre-Alli friends. Why? Because the treatment effects ruined your life.

What are the treatment effects you ask. Here let me tell you:

Gas with oily spotting. I'm quite familiar with the concept of gas, but what the hell is "oily spotting"? Am I going to spring a leak? Where will these spots be at exactly?

Loose stools. Exactly how do you define loose?? Are we talking about a slow-moving flow or a full blown explosion? Can Imodium stop this loose stool business?

More frequent stools that may be hard to control Greeeat.For the love of God don't sneeze! In other words, I better pick up a package of Depends on the way home from work. Either that or get myself fitted for a colostomy bag. Hell, I may as well check into an assisted living home, at least that way someone will take care of my "effects".

The Alli website offers advice... "If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with Alli until the event is over." Picture it.... take it before that first date...or the big business meeting..or your wedding. Unless you're REALLY brave...then hell, GO FOR IT! I DARE YOU.

The Alli website also offers great advice such as wearing dark pants. Hmm. Wonder if that is due to the oily spotting or from the loose stools that are hard to control? Alli should come with some discount coupon for some industrial strength laundry detergent--because from the sounds of it-- you're going to need it.

Great. So I bought a bought a bottle of Alli. I mean, how could I not? Just for the sheer possibility of giving it to someone unsuspecting..I mean taking it in combination with a healthy diet, is reason enough..I'll let you know how it goes. From the sounds of it, it will go quickly and without warning. Boy im excited about that!!!

There was a group of us planning on trying this and I received a call from "ONE THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED" who said "Well, I took a pill before eating at Cinnabon. You NEVER want to do that."

I wasn't sure if she meant eat at Cinnabon or take the pill. I had a friend that worked at Cinnabon in college. She always came over smelling of Crisco. The smell alone almost brought on treatment effects. See, the pill isn't even necessary!!!